After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
