i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
