I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
you had me at cake vodka
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My vagina is officially offended.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
