What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Randomize