just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
3 2 1 whiskey
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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