She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
