I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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