So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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