I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
