Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
