I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
