This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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