I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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