Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
