The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
