I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
