I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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