I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
