So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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