Define "chronic" masturbator.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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