I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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