Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize