The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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