I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
