Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize
