the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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