Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
