Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
where are you?
Hypothermia
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
