I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
