Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
