Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
