He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
