It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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