the only muscles i have these days is kegels
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize