Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
