He disabled his match.com account in front of me
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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