i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
