You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
