I wish life had little blips of pornography
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
