Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize