We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
