she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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