Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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