The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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