South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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