if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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