I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
