i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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