While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
