There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
