She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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