i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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