you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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