There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
