if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
