Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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