she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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