He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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