"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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