Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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