I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
