I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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