found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Randomize
