i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
