Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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