Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
