Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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