I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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