You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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