I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
