New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
