Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
