This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
