I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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