He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
