weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Your mouth is God's brothel.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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