Say something about gay babies.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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