i already hear my dad disowning me
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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