Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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