first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
