You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
