just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
