Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
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