i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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