watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I could make wine with my vomit
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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