I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
