i already hear my dad disowning me
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
