Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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