how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
