Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
