Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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