I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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