forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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