butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize