you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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