Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
where are my eyebrows?
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