Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
