The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize