C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just had sex on a roof
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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