K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
