birth control should be required to get into college
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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