Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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