does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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