i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
