Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
