i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize