i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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