I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize