i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
