Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
