I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
