Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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