Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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